Lost and Found
by dolcegrazia
Summary: He wants her to be ready for this. All of this. A Brulian S6 finale one-shot.


**Author's Note** – I came up with this idea about two months ago when I decided to write my version of the JujuBe ("Brulian") in the Season 6 finale. This is what I would've wanted to happen. The timeline is very different from the show's as you'll figure out early on.

This is far from my best work. It was rushed and written out of sequence, which I've never done before and which left me quite confused and unsatisfied. Never again. However, I wanted to post it anyway.

Read and review, please!

-xx-

As she stands at the shoreline where water meets sand, Brooke can't help but think about how different the Atlantic and Pacific oceans are. The beaches back home are calm, not too crowded, and never too loud. The water is a dark blue and the sand littered with shells and rocks. The beaches here are different- more crowded and way louder. Families building sand castles, teenagers blasting music as they soak in the sun, the sand- soft and warm. Completely different places on completely different sides of the country.

When a rush of water crawls towards Brooke's feet, she's jolted out of her reverie by the cold temperature. She decides at that moment to retreat to the beach, to sit down on the sand.

As she sits quietly on the sand, just soaking in the frenetic atmosphere, her phone vibrates from inside her clutch. She pulls it out and sees the familiar picture of her and Sam, taken before the girl moved in with her birth mother a week ago. She smiles as she puts the gadget up to her ear.

"Hey you", Brooke says to greet her former foster daughter.

"Hey Brooke, what's up?"

"Just thinking…"

"You sound broody", Sam notes.

"Sam…I'm not broody. I'm just thinking."

"Why do I hear seagulls?"

Brooke is jolted a little by the question. Sam doesn't know that Brooke has gone to California. She doesn't know that Brooke is pregnant, either.

"It's…uh…I'm at the beach."

"Really? Wrightsville?"

"No…Malibu."

"California?" Sam asks, totally thrown off.

"No, Ohio", Brooke replies, her voice thick with sarcasm.

"Very funny, Brooke. Why are you in California?"

"I heard it was nice here?"

"Brooke."

"Samantha."

"You know, I'm a big girl. You can tell me what's going on."

Of course Brooke knows this to be true. But she's scared to tell Sam the truth. The only person who knows that Brooke is pregnant is Brooke. She's only eight weeks along and still has a month to go before the risk for miscarriage significantly decreases. She's also still having trouble conceptualizing this new reality.

"I'm here to see Julian", Brooke admits, taking a deep breath to prepare for the interrogation.

There is a pause at the other end of the line.

"What?!" Sam finally says. "Seriously? Why?"

Brooke closes her eyes, to try to block out the rest of the world, so she could say the next sentence.

"Because I'm pregnant with his baby, Sam."

The pause on the other end is much longer than the first and it scares Brooke.

"Say something", Brooke says to break the deafening silence.

"Wow" is all Sam can respond with.

Brooke sighs. Great, she thinks. Is that how everyone will react? Is that how Julian will react?

"I need more than that, Samantha."

"I don't know what else to say. It's great, right? You've wanted a baby for a long time and even though you can't admit it, you love Julian."

"Bad timing, you know?"

"Maybe. Just go tell the man of your dreams that you're having his baby and work it out. Call me after the sex."

"Samantha!"

"Bye Brooke."

"Bye hon."

-xx-

It was Sam who pushed Brooke to go with Julian to Los Angeles a month ago. Julian, the amazing, loving, kind man she met less than six months ago who had stolen her heart. But the heart that he had stolen had already been broken and bruised. Brooke has had a lot of trouble with love and she knew she was hiding herself from it. She wouldn't be hurt again. She couldn't be hurt again.

It took four weeks of unhappy phone calls, horrible loneliness and life-altering news before Brooke realized that she had to go to LA. She bought a ticket at 11PM and eight hours later, she was on a plane. She couldn't give herself time to rethink it. She had to go.

The entire plane ride to Los Angeles, complete with a two hour layover in Chicago, Brooke tried convincing herself that Julian bore no resemblance to Lucas, the first boy who had stolen her heart and then had subsequently broken it. Brooke could be loved. And one day, she could maybe learn how to love. Someday. She could learn that it is okay for her to love. It is okay for her to be open and honest and it is okay for her to love someone else and admit it.

-xx-

The first inkling that she might be pregnant was the lingering nausea that would wake her up each morning and persist into the evening. She thought it was some strange stomach flu until Haley mentioned how long Julian had been gone. Three weeks. Brooke was supposed to get her period three weeks ago. That realization alone sent her straight to the toilet.

It was Haley who finally broke the silence following Brooke's twenty minute trip to the bathroom. They were at Clothes Over Bros during rush hour. _"Do you think you could be pregnant?_", she whispered. One sentence, seven words, too much meaning.

It was four pregnancy tests and a doctor's confirmation later when Brooke broke down and bought a plane ticket without a second thought.

-xx-

All the while she walks down the Malibu beach, Brooke tries to figure out the answer to one seemingly simple question- how do you tell a guy that you're pregnant? How does Brooke tell a guy she's known for only six months and hasn't seen for one of those months that she's pregnant with his baby? Julian doesn't even know that Brooke is in California, though she suspects that Peyton may have called him to ward off the shock of the brunette girl's sudden arrival.

Brooke is pretty sure that she loves Julian. The first time that he kissed her, she felt like the entire world had disappeared and it was just the two of them. The first time they had sex, he touched her in ways that sent fireworks flaming through her body. He made her feel special and cared for and protected. When he told her that he loved her, she didn't know what to do. She could only panic. This was real now. Reality is scary and admitting that she had fallen in love couldn't be any more frightening.

She has a history of shutting people out before they got too close to her heart. Even before the problems with Lucas, Brooke kept everyone at arm's length. She was tired of feeling bad. It was easier for her to feel nothing.

Everything is different now. Everything has to be different. Julian isn't like any of the men she's been with. And now she's going to get what she's wanted for the past three years- a baby.

She knows that it's time to open up, to let her guard down. She stops walking and turns to face the ocean, majestic and seemingly never-ending. The sound of the waves calms her down. She pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket and sighs. It's the image of her baby from the sonogram she received just a few days ago, though it seems like forever since that day. _Brooke Davis, 8w 2d_ is written in the corner. She had been able to hear the heartbeat, a thumping sound that was both amazing and terrifying.

Now she's 8 weeks, 6 days along and she can feel herself slowly begin to change. Her chest is fuller and her clothes don't fit as well anymore. She cries at the drop of a hat and can no longer stand the smell of her daily mocha double latte, extra foam. Most of all, she's beginning to feel open and honest, sick of hiding and denying. She wants to finally be happy and she's ready to face her fears now, she's ready to love.

-xx-

When Brooke finally works up the courage to knock on Julian's beach house door, it is nearly 7PM, the evening night shimmering against the ocean. In the two minutes and 28 seconds it takes for Julian to come to the door, Brooke runs through all of the possible reactions Julian might have to Brooke's appearance and subsequent revelation. He could be shocked, disgusted, he could kick her out immediately or just flat out tell her he doesn't want to be a part of Brooke or the baby's lives.

But Brooke knows the reality. Julian is not that kind of man.

The reaction the man has when he finally opens the door is not shock or disgust, it's happy surprise.

"Brooke", Julian says quietly. His face is scruffier, Brooke notices. His t-shirt is wrinkled.

"Hi", Brooke replies.

Julian is a little confused and it takes a second for him to comprehend that Brooke is really standing in front of him.

"Uh, come in!" he finally says. "I'm sorry for the mess." The living room, the first room Brooke sees, is strewn with beer bottles and scripts. "Bachelor living, you know."

Brooke tries hard not to be hurt by the word "bachelor", a little sword through her recovering heart. "It's okay. It's not like I called ahead or anything. I'm sorry to just show up like this", Brooke says as her feet remain rooted in the foyer.

"Don't apologize, Brooke. I'm happy to see you. A bit confused", Julian says, a grin playing on his lips, "but mostly happy."

"Yeah, well…I miss you", Brooke admits. She starts walking further into the house and Julian follows. "I've been doing a lot of thinking. I shouldn't have let you go, Julian. I was just scared…"

"Don't worry about it. We went over this a hundred times in Tree Hill. You didn't need to travel 3,000 miles to reject me in my own home."

Brooke is taken aback by his tone but really shouldn't be surprised. She knows how painful her words last month must've been.

"Uh, that's not what I came here to do. I miss you. I want to try again. I've been trying really hard to convince myself that it's okay to…love you", the brunette says hesitantly. "My inability to let myself fall in love isn't about Lucas, you need to know that. It goes back further and deeper. But you leaving really hurt me in ways I didn't expect it to."

"Oh."

"I wasn't rejecting you. I'm just broken in a lot of ways…"

"It's okay, Brooke. I told you I'd wait. And you're here now. That means so much."

Brooke is quiet now, Julian's reply knocking her a bit off balance.

The two wordlessly take seats on opposite sides of the living room, an air of something between awkwardness, sadness and hope ring through the air.

"Can I get you anything?" Julian finally says. "Beer? Wine? Water?"

Brooke shakes her head and replies, "No. I'm fine…this is weird, right?"

"A little. Only because I'm still surprised that you're here."

Julian would love to flat out ask Brooke why she's come all the way to California. But she's sitting right in front of him, in his grandmother's horribly upholstered chair, and she looks sad.

"I've missed you. I know I said that already. But when you left, all I could do was throw myself into the business and taking care of Sam. I couldn't think about you…and me…because every time I did, I broke down. I wanted this so much and it hurt to think about how badly I fucked everything up." Brooke says, beginning to cry, the tears making her voice crack and her face look even sadder.

"You didn't fuck everything up, Brooke", Julian says as he tries to reassure her. "You're here now. We'll fix it."

Brooke nods, tears glistening in her eyes. "We need to talk", she says quietly.

"I thought that was what we were doing", Julian coyly replies, a wide grin escaping his lips without a second thought.

"Julian."

"I'm sorry. What's going on?"

Brooke takes a deep breath and shifts in her seat. This is the second time she's had to do this. When she was 16, being pregnant was her greatest fear. Now, at nearly 23, after pseudo-mothering two children, maybe she can be ready for this.

She adjusts in her chair and pulls the sonogram picture from her pocket. It's faded and crinkled from sitting in her pants' pockets for so long, since she had the sonogram done, but it's still clear as day what it is. She looks at it for a moment and then stands up. She walks over to Julian and deposits the worn piece of paper into his hands.

Julian sees Brooke do this, he never takes his eyes off of hers, but it takes him a second to feel the weight of the paper in his hands.

He unfolds the paper slowly and his eyes are met with an almost abstract painting, kind of a Rorschach test. But Julian knows that it's neither one of these things.

"This is…uh…are you…? Shit."

"I'm sorry, Julian", Brooke says as she steps backwards, towards the door.

"Don't be sorry", he says, still staring at the fuzzy, white "baby" on the paper.

"I'm going to go." The girl turns around and exits the beach house. That wasn't the reaction Brooke had been expecting from Julian. She didn't expect immediate hugs but she was caught off-guard by his shock and silence.

Back in the house, Julian is left dumbfounded, not only by the news of Brooke's pregnancy but by her quick departure before he could formulate his reaction. Brooke is pregnant. The woman that he loves is having his baby. Julian is pretty sure that the emotion overflowing his body right now is joy.

Quickly now, he rises from his spot to catch up with Brooke. When he gets to the beach, he finds the young woman standing close to the shoreline, her hand resting slightly on her abdomen. From far away, Julian thinks it looks like she's talking to the baby. It may be the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

As Julian walks closer to Brooke, she turns around to face him, her hand dropping from its place on her stomach.

"I'm sorry", they both say simultaneously.

Brooke looks down at the sand and she can feel tears begin to pool in her eyes.

"Hey, Brooke…look at me", Julian says as he lifts the woman's chin up. "You have nothing to be sorry for. This is good news, right?"

"I want to have a family with you, Julian", Brooke cries. "I want to raise this baby and I want to spend our lives together but…"

"Do not say 'but', Brooke…there is no 'but' here", Julian responds calmly. His relaxed demeanor offsets Brooke's terrified one in a striking way. Her tears both pain and confuse him. He wants her to be ready for this, all of this.

"Can we do this? Do you want to do this?"

Brooke's question throws Julian for a loop. Their emotional conversations have always thrown him for a loop. But now they're standing on the beach, cold waves crashing at their feet and Julian needs no time to think before he answers Brooke's question.

"I want to do this. I want so desperately to do this. I know that we haven't been together for a long time and I know that everything has moved really fast but I know that we can do this. I'm in", the man says. He moves closer to Brooke and lays his hand on the woman's lower stomach. "I'm all in."

Brooke smiles slightly and moves her eyes to her belly and then again up to Julian. Everything feels still and quiet in this moment. Brooke leans up and kisses Julian lightly on the lips. She pauses and puts her hand on top of his. "I love you", she says.

-xx-


End file.
